Letter to Ma...

Dear Ma,
You know lately I have been a great believer in destiny,
I am a go with the flow “type of girl”
I have a great faith in GOD.
In a greater plan for each of us,
and therefore a trust that all will be ok.
Many times in my life, when I pray to GOD, ALLAH answer my prayer fast forward. Instantly.
When my prolapsed was hitting the lows condition, I pray for the best turn out, and ALLAH answers my prayer.
When I was pregnant and knew in my heart there's something odd about the pregnancy, I pray hard for ALLAH to show me a sign. I got my answer.

But, I must confess, my faith is being tested.
I sit here and truly allow myself to feel it.
And I feel physically sick..to the part of my stomach.
I can't breath and I can't think.
I can't found the right word to ask and talk to GOD.
Because I know it is the circle of life I'm facing right now.
Something inevitably... Something nothing I can't do about, but to pray that you and pa will have a good quality life these days...

The thing I know for sure is that you’ll always have us loving you, no matter what. Even when you guys is not around us anymore.
I never got the chance to tell you, how thankful I am to you for bringing me into this world.
How thankful I am to have you as my mother, you care so much.
You have your own special way of showing your love.
Ma, we did fought a lot, argue a lot when I was teenager.
I know many times I hurt your feeling. I’m very sorry for that.
I never meant to hurt you,ma..
We just have a very different perspective in many things.
In my adult life you always on my side, to guide me..
I can’t ever thank you enough.
Since I had Zahra, I realize how much you love your children.
Endless love, just like this world. Round loves that have no end and never stop spinning.
These days, seeing how life slowly taking your health away…
Sometimes I couldn't help crying, I cannot imagine living without you.
Without your hand stroking my back, without your fingers playing with my hair.
Without your hugs when I am sad. Without your goodnight kisses and hugs. Without you calling me on the phone every single day.

But we have to be brave,ma..
Because we know for sure as written in the holy Quran, death is inevitably to all off us.
We have to be thankful that we have these wonderful years together.
I will always pray for you, I want to be that light showing your way to heaven.
So you got nothing to worry about, just enjoy life for now.
Your children will be fine. We will bring up your grandchildren to become even a better person that what we have become.

Once again, thank you ma and pa… For all the love, the knowledge that you have passed on to us.



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